Helping our neighbors

Dear Editor:

I have seen what seems to be a travel corridor for this virus bug right over my rooftop and it is all floating eastward like a milkweed seed pushed along by the wind. So I’m taking protective measures into my own hands. I attached two ladders to the rooftop and built a platform on top of them. Next, I took my tepee camo blind and attached it to the platform. Then I cut a hole in the top, allowing an excellent view of the viruses floating by. I’ve got thousands of 12-gage No. 8 clay pigeon rounds surrounding the edge of the platform and a used lawn chair for comfort. When those buggers come floating over, POW! SPLATTER! And their pretty remains float to the ground. It’s working. Lots of the bugs coming from the west but none making it to the east.

There is going to be a mess on the lawn from all the empty shells, but it’s all for you folks Downeast.

The neighbors and some who aren’t didn’t like all the shooting so early in the morning. Someone called the town office and before I knew it an ambulance screeched to a halt out front followed by the Waldoboro Police Department. Then a fire engine screamed in. By then the road was blocked and all those going to work were backed up and beeping their horns. Quite the sight! The next, thing I knew a fireman and a policeman were on either side of my antiviral demolition site. A fireman with a hose is one thing, but an officer with a firearm drawn and pointed at me was another and the whole area was surrounded by the interested townfolk. Someone thought to show up with coffee and donuts for all. The fireman was positioned so his nozzle was pointed at me and the officer was using me for a target too. But they were reasonable people.

When I got the chance to explain what I was doing, both nozzle and firearm were lowered. The fireman yelled down to the crowd and told them what was taking place. The next thing I heard was first loud clapping then wild cheering. Next, I heard a trumpet and a violin playing and the crowd began dancing, laughing and shouting words of encouragement my way.

Before I knew it the WPD had brought up another several thousand shotshells and wished me “good shooting.”

So, people, it is safe for you to breathe the air as it blows by you. If you get a whiff of gunpowder smoke, you can thank your neighbors to the west because I just came from a drive to Damariscotta and I saw lots of tepee tents on roofs. Hang in there and sleep well people, we’ve got your 6 covered.

Sam Chapman


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