On My Own

This past week a new sense of panic set in. What will happen in a month when I am on my own? I will be responsible for my own actions, like a grown up!?

What will happen when I am running late at work and need to finish one more thing… and then suddenly “oops, class started … guess I can’t go.” I have worked too hard to let that happen, but it does happen and it happens real quick. I think having my 5K goal looming in the near future will help. I will continue to work on this new panic in my journey. Perhaps just recognizing it as a potential derailment will be enough? Nah … but I will go with that for now so that I don’t become crazed over this long-term issue.

Over the weekend, I was inside watching films, lots of films. It was “Banff Weekend.” While I was sitting, being inspired to get out and explore and to push the known limits, I noticed I was lagging. I was a bit achy. Could it be? Was my body telling me we needed to get up a bit earlier and fit in a workout? Huh? So that is what all these people talk about when they say they “need it” and they “feel so much better.” I did not go home and hop on the elliptical at 11p.m. — taking note of this observation seemed fitting enough for this week. Sitting taking in the films was certainly not a waste. Watching a Wounded Warrior become a Para Olympian reminds me that there are no valid excuses. My life is up to me, how am I going to live it? Other films reminded me of new sports I would like to try and places I must see. The word “inspired” is used — perhaps overused — during the weekend but it certainly does inspire. Heck, I even think I kicked a bit higher and shook a bit harder in Zumba tonight as a result of having just seen a crazy man (Dean Potter) free base the North Face of the Eiger! I know, I know … where is the connection? The only answer I have is that I was inspired.
The funny thing about inspiration … it is all over the place in many different forms.

Today Robin took my measurements. We are at the half way mark and I was curious. The last time (which was the first time) she took my measurements, I was detached, quiet, and could barely look at her. It was embarrassing. Today, I was fully engaged, not nearly as quiet, with lots of eye contact even a high five and a “Woot Woot” marked the occasion! There is less of me, that will keep me going and help me tackle the “what will happen when I am on my own” issue.


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