For the wine snob who has everything

No self-respecting wine enthusiast would so much as leave the house without his electric corkscrew, aerator, bottle stoppers and pourers, preservation pumps and label savers. We are thusly outfitted, which is to say, all our needs are met.

Then, a kind lady gave us a wine purse. We didn’t know what to say. It was our first.

The wine purse is red with a gold chain strap and lots of chrome buttons and bolts. After the initial excitement tapered off, we had to ask: How does one accessorize a red wine purse? Ideally, you’d want garnet earrings, a red zircon necklace and ruby slippers. But this was more of a fashion statement than we were prepared to make.

We considered re-gifting and almost convinced a colleague that it was the ideal carrying case for her Chihuahua. Then she noticed the lack of air holes.

Nor could we convince a photographer friend that it was the perfect telephoto lens case.

We variously claimed it was for the transport of small oxygen tanks, paper towels or large flashlights. But no one was interested.

Perhaps it could be used as a theatrical prop! In Shakespeare’s “King Henry IV, Act II,” a contemptible drunkard is referred to as a “wine bag.” Maybe our hand bag could be hurled at the lout just as the words are spoken.

But when was the last time anybody staged “King Henry IV”?

The search will continue until Dec. 24 when family and friends gather at our house for merriment and convivial libations. Among the amusing diversions is a Yankee swap, that game in which you can unload any white elephants lying around your house. Only this thing isn’t a white elephant. It’s the monkey’s paw.

Stephen Fay

Stephen Fay

Managing Editor at The Ellsworth American
Stephen Fay, managing editor of The Ellsworth American since 1996, is a third-generation Californian. Starting out as a news reporter in 1974, he has been an editor since 1976, working in Massachusetts, Connecticut and Vermont before settling in Ellsworth with his wife and two daughters. [email protected]
Stephen Fay

Latest posts by Stephen Fay (see all)